From Blaze to Ashes
All things burn and die. It’s a fact of life that you have to accept sooner or later. I found out later. It all started in preschool when I wanted to ride a bike—the last bike—around the playground. Right as I grabbed the bike and started wheeling it out of the shed, another girl appeared who said she wanted to ride it. I told her I got it first, so she could it the next time. She tried to take the bike. I pushed her away and she ran. I, pleased at my victory, continued wheeling the bike out of the shed. Unfortunately, I had no sooner begun peddling than the girl reappeared, the teacher with her. I knew what that meant so I pretended not to notice, which was difficult since the girl grinned widely, satisfaction in her eyes.
I was sentenced to a corner and made to watch the girl ride around on the bike I had possessed earlier. It was eventually time to return to class, so I turned, entering the building with everyone else. As I did so the girl glanced my way. Once inside we received a treat of a cookie, and to my surprise the girl approached me, sitting down beside me with a sheepish look. Though we were young, we understood the silent language spoken and smiled, eating our snacks together. The next day we traded off riding the bike and eventually gave up that joy altogether for each others company. We became good friends as only children can, but did not see each other for a very long time.
I continued on in life making new friends, having fun, and doing schoolwork, but it wasn't until I was reunited with that same girl that I realized I had missed out on some amazing things in life. From the moment we became reacquainted we were the best of friends in every way. We had classes together, ate lunch together, and had innumerable inside jokes that amused us for unlimited amounts of time. We could always talk to each other about anything and everything; nothing was off limits. We embraced our friendship with open arms and became closer with the bond of our common interests. If anything our interests strengthened our friendship, creating an inseparable bond that fueled a friendship read about only in books and seen only in movies. It was a fairy tale friendship.
For years we remained in this state. On class trips we created stories and jokes with each other that still engender a smile when mentioned. When staying places overnight we had jokes about how we tried getting something out of a lake but ended up in the water, soaked to our skin. We laughed at the "work outs" form running up and down stairs. We were friends with the two men who watered the plants by where we ate lunch. The good times we had together were so wonderful that it's almost surreal, like it's not meant to be. We burned brightly, opening up to each other and supporting each other, whether it was about a grade on a project or an argument with a parent. Whatever the situation we were always a safe haven for each other, a place we could turn without any worries, constraints, or dissent.  Even in our disagreements we were close. We never let anything become such a big deal that it consumed and destroyed our relationship. For as long as I can remember we could work anything out and talk freely with one another. It was a fairy tale friendship.
Our fire burned bright for years, through struggle and victory, but it took an unexpected, unwelcome turn as we matured and started becoming who we were meant to be or who we pretended to be. More people meant new friends, and more people meant difficulty maintaining our friendship. As the year continued it was clear something was different, something about us had changed, whether we wanted to believe it or not. We could not ignore the fact that we were dying, our paths diverging in an unknown roller coaster, each separate from the other. We did less together. Our talk became a jumble of monotonous, meaningless topics, lacking the vibrancy we had had before. Our interests that we once had shared diverged, she to her own and me to my own, both of which seemed unlikely ever to cross paths. Attitudes evolved in various ways, good and bad, and it became more evident that our glory days were ending. There was nothing we could do to save it, nothing to say because words failed us, nothing to do because actions were meaningless, nothing left. It had been a fairy tale friendship.
As our friendship turned to dull ashes that faded into blackened soil, a different fire raged within. A fire of anger buffeted me to one side, anger for not recognizing what was happening and anger that screamed at me for allowing it to happen. Anger at a lack of action, anger at a lack of communication overcame me, countered at the same time by a fire of bitterness, bitterness that threatened to consume me entirely and ensnare me in its deadly throes. A bitterness of past recollection bombarded my weakened state and refueled the dwindling flame within me. The flame of bitterness transformed into one of sadness as the loss hit me. I would have no more fairy tale friendship with that girl I had met in preschool. I would have no more jokes on class trips that still amuse us to this day. I would have no safe haven. Yet out of the sadness, bitterness, and anger emerged hope, a shining hope led by forgiveness. The only constant in my life, my God, still remained, my life still remained, I had a whole life ahead of me. There was no need to hold on to dark emotions and begrudge the one I had had so many happy times with. Those times were a gift from God that truly blessed my life. I could forgive my friend who did not mean to cause grief, and if she had had done it unintentionally. I could move on with my life, for as I close one book, another chapter presents itself to be opened. All things burn and die. It's a fact of life that you have to learn to accept sooner or later. I found out later. It's how you choose to respond that counts.